birthdays and judges.

    There is a harsh reality that exists.  My mother's birthday, and her present is lying on my sewing room floor.  A yellow and white checkered apron made by yours truly.  I longed to deliver it personally this weekend, however something came up at work.  The For Girls Only Club that my middle school girls attend had their Sweetheart Brunch.  Yes, this weekend, instead of the actual weekend of Valentine's Day.  So, I showered and put on my favorite dress and scarf only to hop in my car that would not start.  Which leads me to my main idea of life...
    When you conquer one struggle another challenge arises.  Will I call upon the skills used to conquer the previous struggle or forget everything I learn?  When I was in the fourth grade I recall having an issue with my body.  I was larger than all my friends.  Call me curvy, big-boned, or whatever, but I was different.  No-one wants to be different.  We all want to fit in and look exactly alike.  I complained about losing weight.  I complained about the food I ate.  I was obsessed.  My struggle with my body consumed me and so it consumed everyone.  Mainly, I would not let them think of anything else.  One day, Rebecca, my caring, older sister told me to shut up.  She didn't think I was fat and even if she did it wouldn't matter.  I needed to shut up and move on.  At the time I felt awkward.  Did I really talk about it all the time?  Once, it was called to my attention I practiced keeping my comments to myself.  After, learning that discipline I actually became comfortable with my body.  The less I talked about it the less it was a problem.
    Years later I still remember this story.  A story of success which I can reflect on when I have similar challenges.  Currently I complain and judge everyone at work.  I know this and I can say it, but when someone else says I'm doing this, it's a whole other story.  Now I am reminded of my sister and her words that seemed so harsh at the time, but they were words of truth.  People notice your actions and they have noticed mine.  Like the fourth grader that decided to shut up, the 27 year old is ready to do the same.  I am ready to listen.  For now I am reminded how something that starts out so small can fester and become a bigger problem than a weekend without mom or a car that cannot start.
    

bon hiver...

       Bon hiver takes on a few meanings.  In France, bon hiver means good winter.  I love the way it rolls off the  tongue in such an eloquent manner.  There is a band in America who played off of this named Bon Iver.  I enjoy listening to them in the winter.  For me it means healing and peace during a season of cold.  So tonight, as the snow falls, I listen to Bon Iver and think bon hiver.
      8:30 pm, Nashville, TN, the wave room with comfy chair and black dog, I decide to grow up.  No longer will I complain about older women on a power streak, whether or not I am actually crazy, or what middle schoolers think of my dance moves.  I will not smoke cigarettes, dye my hair, or say I never do anything creative.  Yes, it is true that I have on more than one occasion slipped back into adolescence over the past few months.  So I confess and am determined to gain some self control.  So here is to bon hiver.